One of the hardest things I have found, having ME, is that I cannot let go of the former me, I hang on to it with everything I have. Mindfulness suggests that to sit with it is the way to have a much better life, and the way to not waste energy on, 'what was', 'what you wish', 'what might have been', etc.
I have found the following practice of loss very useful when things are tough.
- Step One
Sit in a comfortable upright position, somewhere where you will not be disturbed. Ground yourself by feeling your feet firmly on the floor, your back aligned with your neck, and your hands resting in your lap. Above everything else ensure you are comfortable.
- Step Two
Begin by focusing on your breath. Allow your in-breath to enter your body for its full duration, followed by your out-breath leaving your body for its full duration. Allow these breaths to occur naturally, don't force anything, just let your body breathe itself. Continue until you feel settled.
- Step Three
Then focus on the 'loss' of health. Gently saying to yourself, 'this ME has brought about a loss of health, a loss of friends, a loss of lovers, a loss of the future, let me now feel it. I am here today and I am prepared to feel this loss fully', (you can use words and / or images, the idea is to fully see and feel the loss). Start gently and hold this in your awareness. Be with it, feel it, see it, face it, no matter how painful it is. DON'T pretend it is not there.
- Step Four
You may only be able to do this for a minute or two.
- Step Five
Let go of the thought or image and return to the simple breath of life.
- Step Six
Come back to the 'here and now' whenever you are ready to do so.
- Step Seven
Please do this as many times as you need to.